Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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