My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize