32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
