He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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