You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize