just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
