i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
