why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
