I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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