i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
