Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my being single is dangerous.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I fill condoms, not promises.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
