I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
