Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
