You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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