I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
