There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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