How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
