Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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