If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
