I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
