Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
