he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
