She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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