I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
