My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
