Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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