hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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