Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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