So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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