By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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