Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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