are you so shy because you have an std?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
