I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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