How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
