Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
