Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize