So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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