no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
