the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
