So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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