Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
