My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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