i just wanna soil my oats bro
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
