So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
