he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
