That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
