This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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