dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
