don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I've blown a few things in my day
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
