At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
