Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
