took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
