We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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