Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize