Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
