Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
