TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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