My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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