This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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