Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
