we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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