So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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