Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
