My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
