I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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