you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize