my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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