He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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