I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
