ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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