You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
