butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
